Saturday, April 24, 2010

61 - Place TEDDY BOAR in SCANNER

61 - Place TEDDY BOAR in SCANNER
(61) You decide that the best thing to do when confronted with a SCANNER is to scan each and every item in your possession, progressing from your left-most abstractly denoted POCKET on. Your first item to put in (since you don't feel like removing your WICKED AWESOME SUIT and you think the machine will eat your VARIOUS MONIES) is your TEDDY BOAR (WITH TUSKS). You place VICE PRESIDENT MARTIN VAN BOAREN into the scanner, proceeding with the others in turn. A computer voice chimes:

TEDDY BOAR (WITH TUSKS)
SCANNER: Scanning. Object identified as Sus scrofa stuffica. Item not security cleared.

MAGIC(?) 8-BALL
SCANNER: Scanning. Object identified as oracular sphere. Item not security cleared.

TRAP
SCANNER: Scanning. Object identified as Shandor photon containment trap. Item not security cleared.

SAUCY LITERATURE
SCANNER: Scanning. Object identified as oooooh, spicy. Item not security cleared.

SCRABBLE TILES
SCANNER: Scanning. Object identified as scrabblicular tiles (oak). Item not security cleared.

CAN OF ROKKIT JUICE
SCANNER: Scanning. Object identified as a-beverage-if-you-can-even-call-it-that-because-it's-crap. Item not security cleared. Please incinerate.

CAN OF MULE KICK
SCANNER: Scanning. Scanning. Scan--- Object identified as Mule Kick brand soft drink. Mule Kick: Ride the Mule, Feel the Kick. Do you sometimes wish for more energy during the day? Always tired when three o'clock rolls around? Grab a can of Mule Kick brand energy drink! It's the kick you need to get through the day! Warning: Mule Kick has been rated moderately dangerous, do not consume if pregnant, have a heart condition, are on fire, or have multiple applicable conditions; do not consume more than ten cans of delicious Mule Kick brand energy drink per day; Mule Kick corporation not responsible for death or dismemberment caused by use, ownership, or thoughts of Mule Kick brand energy drink. Item not security cleared but item delicious.

Well. That didn't do much. You cram everything back into your WICKED AWESOME POCKETS. It doesn't appear that you can open this SECURITY DOOR at the present time.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Drop MAGIC(?) 8-BALL down VENT.

Listen to the VENT.